Saturday, May 28, 2016

Haters Gonna Hate: A Rant

Here's a little glimpse into my head from March 3, 2014

I'm fat and I'm a little bit angry.

I'm pretty much in love with my body. It can do so much that it couldn't do years ago.  And if I am able to continue what I am doing now for years, it will continue to surprise me and reciprocate the love that I have given it over my lifetime. Sometimes, I get disappointed or angry with it, but like any long-term, committed relationship, it usually comes right back to love and respect.

Also, and thank goodness for this, I didn't grow up in a body-dysmorphic family culture where girls are encouraged not to eat too much, or to worry so much about their appearance that it blocks them from being who they are. I am so thankful for this.

So this post is for all you haters out there. And let me apologize on BEHALF OF YOU to YOUR BODY, for you projecting your own insecurity and feeling of inadequacy on others. I don't typically waste mental energy caring about what other people think of me or other fat people. But sometimes, the hating comes in waves and it has to be dealt with. I don't always have a snarky comeback, but some level of snark is definitely deserved, even if it comes days or weeks later.  Here are some things that people have said to me, either to my face or behind my back, or to others along with some of my actual or imagined responses:

For as much as you work out you should be thinner, don't you think?
No, why?
Because you have some preconceived notion and idea of what it means to be fit and flippin' fabulous?
Because you haven't bothered to get off the couch?
Don't get me started.

You run too much. All you do is run. You run in the woods. You run in the rain. You run in ALASKA. Do you ever think about doing anything else? 
Yeah. Like, I work. I raise my kid (along with my hubby.) I read. I write. I travel. And yeah, I run because I like doing it. Have you not found something that you love doing whenever possible? Something that nourishes you and renews you? No? Sorry but not sorry.

You might wanna stop running so much. For a big girl like you, you may be better off on the elliptical or like, playing tennis.
Why are you so concerned? Last time I checked, getting any exercise is better than getting no exercise. Do you know what's more dangerous on the knees and heart? Not doing anything. And by the way, my joints are just fine. But my brain hurts trying to explain basic shit to you.

Wait. You're black. 
Not this again, and yep, I am.
Guess what black folk? White people don't own the outdoors. No one does, in fact, except for Mother Nature. No one owns your health and well-being, except for you. I'm really sick and tired of black people from ALL socioeconomic strata saying to me or to others who spend considerable time outdoors, "WE don't run in the woods. You know, because of..." Because of WHAT? Have we forgotten who our ancestors were and how they lived?

What part of health are we not understanding? Have you looked around lately and noticed that we are DROPPING LIKE FLIES (and I mean dropping dead) because of heart attacks, complications with diabetes, hypertension, and general obesity related illnesses? So why berate ANYONE who is out there doing their thing, fighting preconceived notions about what it is to be black and to be healthy? Let's get out of this mindset. It's not only hurting us, it's killing us.

Read this for further commentary.

Don't you feel weird going into a gym-you know, cuz everyone's a size zero and you're not?
Thanks for pointing out the obvious. So perceptive of you.
What gym do YOU go to? That apparently is not my gym because although my gym has its share of meat-heads, there are tons of different body types, goals, people, sizes. Dud/ette, get out of your house. And another thing, when I walk into the gym, I OWN IT. I rock those machines. I have a good time and don't EVER worry about haters like you.

Wow, you're really hungry.
Yep. That would be because I just ran 20 miles. What did YOU do today? Right.
Also, I love food, and I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about enjoying and partaking in nourishment. Unlike a lot of people, I don't starve myself to fool people into believing that I care about what they think about my body. Never been a part of who I am, and sorry for you, never will be. Next topic.

And this:

Have you gained weight? 
Let me say this: It is never a good idea, in fact it's downright inappropriate to ask someone IF THEY'VE GAINED WEIGHT unless you're their WEIGHT LOSS SPECIALIST. Or someone who has embarked on a weight-loss mission with them. It is never your right to ask something so personal or potentially devastating no matter what your relationship. And also, comments about what a person eats. Same rules apply. 

You run really slowly
Yep. But have you done a marathon? Yeah, didn't think so. Next comment. (Even if you have run a marathon, why are you concerned about my pace? How does it affect your life? It doesn't, right? Moving on...)

This one was from a woman I sat next too on the Super Shuttle to the cruise terminal in Seattle. We had started up a conversation about what cruises we were doing, etc...

Well, how many marathons have you done? (I have now done 7 marathons and 7 ultras as of May 2016)
Four so far, plus an ultramarathon. I'm hoping to do many more. I really like marathons.

Well I've run over 150 marathons all over the world. You'll get tired of them soon enough. So what else are you doing to lose weight?
Um, I'm not really trying to lose weight. I just love to run.
Oh...um....

I really have no comment for this, except for, it made me a little sad.

 One more thing. I'll let the screen-shot speak for itself:


Here's my final commentary to all you haters out there:

There are many of us dealing with the repercussions of a fat-shaming society. We don't need YOU to remind us that we

1) are not an idealized version of what a human is supposed to look like according to unattainable and simply unrealistic beauty/being standards.

2) don't look like the Nike models or the Fit Magazine models when we are working out and doing our thang. We don't care, but why do you care so much?

Just because we're working out, running, or god forbid doing Zumba, it does not mean that we have a problem with our body image. When you allude to that in your thinly veiled criticism masquerading as compliments, it simply means that YOU have a problem with YOUR body image. Get some help.

In the end, we love ourselves and our bodies. Maybe not all of us are fully aware of this, but we do. If we didn't love our bodies, we wouldn't be doing this.

That's all.











 

78 comments:

  1. I needed to see this today, thank you. Connie

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  2. Awesome, thank you! I especially enjoyed your note to the Dr.'s office. I always feel that way, especially when visiting new practitioners.

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    1. Thanks for your feedback- I appreciate it!

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  3. Because I've known you for over 20 years I already know how amazing you are but I have to say that you are a phenomenal phenomenal woman! I humbly applaud you and await your next blog!

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  4. Because I've known you for over 20 years I already know how amazing you are but I have to say that you are a phenomenal phenomenal woman! I humbly applaud you and await your next blog!

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    1. OMG has it been 20 years already? WE R OLD!!!! And thanks, sista!

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  5. Love your perspective, thank you for sharing. You rock!

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    1. Thanks for your feedback. We need to share!

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  6. Hells yes! Especially that doctor one. Went to a new ob/gyn b'c mine retired. She starts lecturing me on losing weight, eating healthy, SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE for my kids. Who the hell did she think she was??!! Yeah. Last time I went to see her. Jerk.

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    1. ARGH! Every single doctor, except for the last one who was on the receiving end of the note on the file, has been the same. I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME?

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  7. You are the best! I miss you back in the Purnell Bubble! You got this Mrs. Valerio

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  8. Love it!! Just run and screw the haters. You are doing way more good than so many people in this world!! Keep running!!!

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  9. Wow, glad to have seen this from a former teacher (boarding school too :) ). This was a fantastic blog; humourous and well-written. Thank you for breaking down those annoying entities called stereotypes. Loved your Facebook status insert!

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  10. You're my hero and inspiration. I'm glad you don't study them fools.

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  11. Great article! As a person who has battled being heavy most of my life I found that I can really related to your thoughts and feelings. Let me be the first to say ignore the haters, you will get nothing but love and encouragement from me! Noah

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    1. PS. I couldn't find your email address, but here's a video documenting my weight loss journey, http://youtu.be/MfY_QdAIKy0 , I thought you might enjoy it! Noah

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  12. I'm excited about and appreciate your work! I'd love to see a Twitter tweet when you post a new blog. Thanks for sharing your adventures with us!

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    1. Thanks Michelle! I do post to Twitter from my @TheMirnavator account. Also there is a link on this page that will allow you to follow the blog. Thanks again for your support!

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    2. Now following. Thank you so much!

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  13. You don't look fat to me. All I see when I look at your picture is, strong. Love your post, you nailed it.

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  14. This is great stuff. Following now. While I don't have firsthand experience with everything here...I've experienced some of the "stuff," particularly the "don't you ever think about anything but running?" It's subtle, but as a woman and a mom, I "hear" it. I say "yay!" to running in the woods in Alaska...great example for your family, and anyone else who sees what you're doing.

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  15. You rock. And this post rocks. Preach it!

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  16. I SO needed this right now. I've struggled with health issues and extra weight most of my life, despite being active. I often don't feel like I 'belong' out there, but I'm out there doing it anyway--the best that I can. My first 25K trail run is coming up this month, and I really needed this. Thank you!! :)

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  17. thank you. thank you. thank you.

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  18. The best thing I've read in a while. Totally cracking up. This item is what pushed me over the edge:
    "But my brain hurts trying to explain basic shit to you."

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  19. Great blog!! Thanks for sharing I am from Panamá is a thin world in the runner world we don` t need to listen to garbage. Awesome!

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  20. Well Put! Keep running and be happy

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  21. I think I have a crush on you right now ;-) As a trainer and group fit instructor I have never been "skinny" but am stronger and healthier than the rest. I work with so many fabulous fit women that don't necessarily fit society's messed up version of "acceptable". I am going to share this blog with all of them right now. You have said exactly what I have been trying to tell them for years. You rock!

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    1. LOL and thanks for the kudos. Look, if when we're out there doing to awesomeness that we do, it causes someone to do something better for themselves, well I'm on board! Thanks for sharing!

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  22. Thank you. I'm utterly in amazement with your blog, and it makes me happy. I've progressed from being a fat girl who didn't move, to a girl who runs ultra-marathons. I'm not fat, but often perceive myself that way when I'm next to many of the other people who run these distances. I just need to tell myself that it's not about them. It's my journey, and I'm awesome!

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  23. Connie, thank you so much for this! I am constantly downing myself for the way I perceive that others see me, rarely appreciating all the marathons and ultras my body has completed for me. I strive to have the self acceptance that you have-God bless, you rock!

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  24. Bravo! I once had a podiatrist tell me that I was too big to run. I shouldn't have cared, but I did. I cried all the way home. Then I forgot about that doctor -- I never went back to see him again. You go run as much as you want to! :)

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  25. Dudes and dudettes, let's start a revolution. I'm in.

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  26. I'm a fat man, and I take a nice long walk every day. I don't think my knees would take kindly to running. I lost a bit of weight when I started but that plateaued pretty quickly. Even without the weight loss, I can feel the difference in my health every day. It's just about the best thing you can do for yourself, no matter who you are. If anyone has concerns about running, just take a walk instead, but if running is your thing, then go for it. Just be careful not to injure yourself. Invest in good shoes and custom orthotics if you can afford them, and then get off your butt!

    Connie, you're beautiful in every way. Keep on running!

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  27. Love you and and admire what you are doing and writing! I wanna get off my *ss...

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  28. I love your latest entry to your blog Mirna! Very inspiring, to the point, and well said! Kudos!! :-)

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  30. This is the first time I've read your blog. It will not be the last! :)

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  31. Great article! Congratulations to you on being absolutely awesome!

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  32. Thanks for the blog. Love it. I don't so mind what others say (they don't) but the negative messages I give myself due to my size when it comes to my running. You are very positive. Thanks.

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  33. Love the attitude! Keep on running, and keep on chasing those races...especially ultras!

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  34. I just found you from Fast Cory and let me just say KUDOS! So freaking tired of having people look down because I'm not a size zero. Yes, I run. Yes, I eat. I don't sit on the couch. Bite me. Okay, maybe I try to leave the last part off, but I want to say it. People have no clue. Even some of my favorite bloggers fall into the trap sometimes and it still hurts/bugs me. Guess that's just life! So glad to have found your blog and now be a follower :)

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  35. Where have you been my whole 'running life?!?!?!' I found you from Fast Cory and thank goodness! I am a SLLOOOOWWW runner and have been very discouraged by others (who sit on the couch all day and still have the nerve to say how slow I am) and I am so very grateful to have found your blog!!!!!!

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  36. I am so glad I stumbled upon this article. Thank you for this honest article.

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  37. Glad I found your blog. You rock!

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  38. Thankyou. This is hilarious. x

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  39. Cory told us to check out your blog and I'm glad I did. This is AWESOME!!! You are a very accomplished runner! You have so many things to be proud of! I love that you are out there with it and trying not to let it all get in your head. You are doing things that make your body happy and healthy so carry on!!!

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  40. Another person who found you from FastCory. Great blog! I''m another bigger girl who loves to run, and your message today resonates with me. You've got a new follower :-).

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  41. I'm a brand new runner, as in I started a c25k program yesterday and just wanted to say this post is a great reminder that when people judge your body, it is really more about themselves. It's hard to remember that sometimes .

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  42. Amen and amen.
    "If we didn't love our bodies, we wouldn't be doing this."
    I think I want this on a tshirt. And tattooed all over me. As much so I can't forget it as to tell other people.

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  43. I'm so happy to have run across your blog. I want even looking for it and it popped up in google but it really speaks to me. I'm a black girl who love nature and the outdoors and want to get into running but I get negative feedback from the people around me, mainly saying things like "black people don't do that". When did going for a jog become a white oriole thing? Anyway reading this has given me the courage to get out there and run, like I've always wanted to do. Thanks and keep doing what you do!
    -Thick black girl from Detroit

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  44. I just finished reading your inspiring article in Runner's World! I have been working on getting fit myself over the last 2 years and have lost close to 100 lbs. I'm not at my goal yet but your story is an encouragement to keep at it. I also do not look like a runner....but I run. I am happier and healthier and hope I can keep running for a long time.

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  46. This is awesome... I just read the RW article and had to find your blog. Thanks!

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  47. Hi! I too found your blog through the wonderful RW article. You are an amazing inspiration. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that one becomes a runner by RUNNING. Period. You don't have to have won races, broken records, wear fancy brands, or have a certain stereotypical look to you. All you need is to get out there and run.

    Thank you for approaching the world with an intelligent, articulate, and very humorous perspective, and thank you for sharing your journey.

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  48. Just read your article in RW also! Awesome story! Thank you for being so inspirational as I'm getting into running at a higher weight than the typical runner :)

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  49. That last sentence "if we didn't love our bodies we wouldn't be doing this." Wow! YESSSS! I went through a really dark place when we moved and I was forced to run in town with cars and people and their ignorant comments and stares. I used to run on trails and dirt roads all alone. I just decided one day that if I'm going to continue the thing that I love then I'm going to have to do it with this body. This body that carries me miles and miles. This body that is able to do more than I ever imagined. This body that God gave me. I'm 44 years old and I'm pretty proud that this ole body can still run half marathons. Thank you for your inspiration. Because of people like you, others are spurred on to do their thang!

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  51. Thanks Jennifer. I do hope people are inspired and amazed by their own bodies, despite what others' and their own expectations are! Have a great weekend!

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  52. Love this post. Gotta stick it to the haters. Let other people be happy with what they have, and we'll be happy with what we have!

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  53. I'm not a runner, but am a long-distance walker, and I love your blog. My husband and I just did an 18-mile overnight walk this weekend for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. While we were walking, some guys shouted "Boobs!" at me... and toward the end of our journey, some drunk guy hanging out in front of a bar made cracks about the "fat kid" as I passed him. Part of me wanted to stop and tell him off, but, well, it was 1:30 a.m. and we had about a half mile to finish our event! But it was like, "I'm walking this distance AND raising money for a charity, and what are YOU doing?" People are so judgmental of the overweight. You're strong and awesome, and keep me, a "Fat Girl Walking," inspired.

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  54. Hilarious! And we'll said. I've gained 60 pounds from a thyroid disease. My trainer just started making me run again, which I thought was so unfair at 222 pounds. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  55. Wow, I love this. Total mic drop at the end :D!!! Thank you for inspiring me.
    Keren

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  56. Hi.
    I stumbled over your blog and I want to thank you. I was a runner until Oct last year, when I figuratively ran into a wall of self-hatred, disgust, low self-esteem and anger. Being an active girl, and not having a body that fit into that picture, made me feel like my body betrayed me. So I stopped running, and I still haven't been able to get back out there. But you inspire me...you make me long for a run...so maybe I will get back out there again soon...
    I hope so
    Thank you

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  57. I've gotten the ridiculous comment about the damages my running is causing my hips, knees, ankles, back, etc. Once a woman on a treadmill next to mine at the gym tried to correct my form because she said that since I shouldn't be running at my weight anyway, I should at least do it to adjust for my weight. This was two days after my coach and I had just lengthened my stride and increased by pace. People are stupid. So I laughed out loud at the comment "But my brain hurts trying to explain basic shit to you." Thanks for the laugh! You Rock!

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    1. Ha. People need to mind their own business!!! Glad you enjoyed the post!

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  58. I am a badass fatrunner and I'm loving your whole vibe. Congrats on the book deal and for killing your goals.

    Also, that FB screenshot is my life. I changed doctors over it and couldn't be happier.

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  59. I really enjoyed this rant :) I have just recently found your blog and have been following you on Instagram and think what you are doing for so many people is really awesome!
    I really would like to know what the ideal person is that is acceptable to the majority (not that I CARE what they think) but honestly, so many people are just plain jerks that they will pick on someone no matter what they look like just because they want to be an ass. At 6'1 and 150 lbs I was called fat in high school, I was made fun of because of my height, because my hair was so thick, the list went on and on. If you're short, you're picked on. If you're tall, you're picked on. Skinny, fat, medium weight, so many people are so ugly on the inside they want to pick on everyone's outside.
    Just raise our kids to be better than that is all I can figure the answer is.

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  60. Oh Mirna! I can totally relate to quite a bit of this. Even though I'm very under weight, and also white. Here's the thing - people can be judgmental jerk faces.

    You get questioned on running too much because you are "too big" and I get questioned on running too much because I'm "too skinny". People worry about my knees, people stress about your knees.

    As far as the "Wow, you sure are hungry" comments - my running buddy and I once brought an entire bag of groceries into a baseball game and proceeded to eat the entire contents. The guys behind us gave me a shoulder tap and said "Um, you guys sure are eating a lot, but you are so skinny, how is this possible?" Well, nosey neighbor, we ran 20 miles this morning and did not have time to tailgate before the game. You could go get me an ice cream cone if you wanna watch me eat even more food.

    I think people will always want to put their own insecurities on others, so we get snide comments. When someone is an outlier, too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too black, to white, too smart, too pretty, too ugly, too whatever - they get the brunt of the rudeness. I think the comments about our knees really just means people use their own knees as an excuse for why they don't exercise.

    It's nice to know we are not alone, facing a world full of people saying and doing dumb stuff. Thanks for putting this out there!

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