GETTING MY TRAINING FLEEK ON

Is your training ON FLEEK this summer?

Mine has to be, and here's why:

A few weeks ago I decided that I would register for one of the epic ultra marathons on my fitness bucket list, the Javelina Jundred 100K. I know. CRAY.

I sat on the comfy bed at the Mountainview Best Western in the North Georgia Mountains, my finger hovering over the register button on Ultrasignup for about half a minute. I asked myself if I really wanted to take the leap from the 35 mountainous miles I had done at the Georgia Jewel the previous year to the arid 100K (62 miles) at the end of October in Arizona.

Georgia Jewel 35, Snake Creek Gap Aid Station

Would I be ready? Could I be ready? Would my body be able to carry me over 62 miles in the desert, running, walking, crawling?

Should I do it? Should I do it?
GO FOR IT! said my friend and ultra-partner in crime, Kelly.

I did this the evening before attempting The Double Tap 50K that deep down I knew I would not complete. That race was especially difficult because of my bum knee and the mountains and the bears. What the heck was I doing registering for a 100K then? Who knows? The mysterious and totally unexplainable habits of ultrarunners...

The big question then is what am I doing to prepare for this momentous and possibly disastrous occasion that could potentially destroy my delicate ego?

• I am ODing on Beachbody videos: T25, PiYo, and Les Mills Combat are my favorites. Maybe I'll throw in a little P90X. (I also really dig the Biggest Loser and Crunch and Taebo and The Firm videos too.) DO ALL THE EXERCISE.
• I am trying to lose enough weight to make a significant difference in my finishing time
• I am loosely following Bryon Powell's Relentless Forward Progress 40-70 Mile Race Training Plan
• I am working on tweaking my nutrition to optimize all energy systems (both aerobic and anaerobic, but especially aerobic)...you know, that pesky adenosine triphosphate stuff...
• I am swimming
• I am hiking 
• I am doing yoga
• I'm finding awesome and interesting ways to be active, ALL THE TIME (A note- it's not always easy to step out of your comfort zone, but DO IT! Life is short, death is forever.)
•  I am SLEEPING

At my school's climbing tower doing something different

As I was writing this blogpost I just got word that I got off of the Finger Lakes 50s waitlist and I'll be participating in the 50K! And now I'm SUPER nervous because that's a lot of running, in such a short time. It's a lot of running and training period.

Take a look at the schedule below. All of this means that my training needs to be absolutely ON POINT this summer, because if not, it will be a veritable self-induced sufferfest.

Here are my current plans for the summer and early fall:

June 13: Tortoise and Hare Midsummer Night's Dream Ultra 12 Hour
June 27: Catamount 50K
July 4: Finger Lakes 50K
August 15: Wildcat Ridge Romp 50K
September: A 40-50 mile race, possibly the Georgia Jewel 50--this race is GNARLY in all senses of the word and I'm scared.
October: Javelina Jundred 100K I'm scared of this one too.

As scary and overwhelming as all of this is, I am REALLY excited to test the limits of what my body and mind can do together in athletic pursuit. Maybe I won't be able to do it all. Maybe I will. I do know that I will know and respect my body more deeply while expressing my love for the outdoors through moving that body intentionally through nature.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

What is your training looking like this summer? What crazy events do you have planned to increase your fitness, indulge your desire to be outdoors, or just be badass? Join the conversation in the comments!

I Had No Choice But To Finish: Part 2

I did not fall. Everyone assumes that I fell. Again, I did not fall. I owe it to all the core-strengthening exercises I had been doing during the spring! I hobbled a bit, in shock from the INTENSE pain that followed the very loud popping sound. "Wow, I heard that" said the man that I had passed about two tenths of a mile back. I sat down on the rocky slope, wincing and cursing pretty loudly. F**************K! He looked at the ankle, said that he didn't see anything sticking out, so I should be good.  He then continued on. This too was my plan.

I got up. This was a long and laborious process, though. The ankle HURT. This is a bad, bad sprain I thought. Other times when I have slipped, I have generally found it relatively easy to get back up and limp a little-eventually the pain would subside. This time was different. I had to roll over onto my knees, grab a tree trunk and then hop onto my right leg without putting any pressure on the left foot. The first step was excruciatingly painful, the next a little less so, and the third was I-can-get-to-the-next-aid-station-if-I-limp-really-fast painful. I hobbled for a little over a mile, still mostly downhill, until I reached the aid station. The guy who had *tear* passed me had alerted them to my condition.

On my way to that aid station, I toyed with the idea of DNFing (not finishing, in runners' argot). This is how the conversation went in my head: should I stop at the aid station and wait for the medics to take me back to the start?  Should I try to finish this even if it takes me four hours? Should I sit down and cry? Should I stand here and click my heels three times? (Well, no, that would incur more pain-so that was out of the question) Should I try to finish? Should I try to finish? SHOULD I TRY TO FINISH?

And then I imagined the potential scene back at the finish area: me being helped out of the medic's ATV. Fat girl limping.

NO THANKS.

I had to do this for fat people. I had to do this for me. And I had to finish because I didn't want anybody thinking that the fat girl couldn't do it.

I arrived at the aid station. The volunteers were ready for me. Do you want us to get the medics out here? HELL NO! I would like some Advil if you have any. I took 3, re-tied my shoelaces and went about my way. A few minutes, I was able to limp-run-walk-hop, wincing less and less as the miles went by slowly. I tried not to think of the throbbing coming from the ankle and tried to focus instead on staying ahead of this woman who I had passed a long time ago gaining on me.

At one point, she passed me as I was taking a break. Then I passed her. Then she passed me, and then INTENTIONALLY BLOCKED MY WAY on the single-track on the way back to the finish for about 3 miles. Okay, missy. I got this. I stay right on her tail until we reach a wider part of the trail. And then she stops to take a break. I pass her, without even glancing back. I won't publish the string of expletives I was calling her in my head.

Mile 10 comes along and the pain is returning somewhat, but that woman is still about a half mile behind me, so I slow down a bit until I arrive at the first/last aid station and guzzle tepid Gatorade. There's still about 1.7 miles to go so I walk until I hear the people at the last aid station start to cheer. I look back only to see that woman trying to gain on me.

And then as if in a made-for-TV drama, I scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I hobble-run-walk-hop-skip-limp as fast as I can to the end, this time because I was MAD and certainly wasn't going to let this woman get ahead of me and gloat that she wasn't last. She was last, and the fat girl wasn't.

I gathered enough energy-adrenaline is AMAZING-to run through the finishing chute raising the roof.

Now I could visit the medics on my own terms.

This Is Not A Weight Loss Blog

Although I will talk about it from time to time.

This time around, I did start running again in order to lose weight. However, this is not the primary focus of my blog. It is really about the intersection of trying to live an active life and being a larger person, challenging people's assumptions about you, trying to model the active lifestyle for both my immediate and extended family, and my journey to prevent totally preventable diseases from entering and subsequently wreaking havoc on my life.

When people see a larger person such as myself say, at a restaurant, or say, at the gym-what are they thinking when they stare in disbelief at the fact that I'm 1. publicly engaging myself in the act of eating and perhaps immensely enjoying a meal, or 2. publicly engaging myself in the act of EXERCISING?

I have even caught myself on several occasions thinking really disparaging things about fat people, classic internalized oppression--"What the hell is he thinking?" or "Wow, maybe instead of that steak, how about just eating the veggies or nothing at all?" or "Instead of bringing up the rear [me] in this 10K, how about getting out of the squad car and running with me?" I know it's wrong, I also know that this is when that mean voice of self-hatred creeps into my mind. So of course, this is what people are saying or thinking about me when I go about living my life, right?

For the most part, I have never really been super self-conscious about my body type throughout the years, except for maybe in middle school--when I did get called a "fat bitch" on "National Butt Day" by this a very short, popular kid in eighth grade. In hindsight, I should have said something insultingly witty, but alas, witty I was not.

I've been mentally and emotionally comfortable in my body, even at my highest weight (which was one pound away from 300.) This is not to say that OTHER people have been comfortable with my weight. I can assure you that this is true, since the disparaging projection of self-hatred comes from things I've heard people say to me directly, or that I've overheard.

I am still in the process of losing weight-but certainly not so that I can feel good about the way others may view me. I really don't care about that. Rather, I have continued on this journey precisely because it is healthful--and frankly I feel awesome being active. Even better, I'm a BIGGER active person. So go ahead and let go of all of those assumptions that you may have about fat people not being able to do this or that, be encouraging and positive about anyone trying to make the right choices for themselves and their families, and if you need to, get on board yourself!