0: Wow, that Howitzer just sets the tone! GET IT!
1-8:10 am My corral isn't even moving yet. I need to move over to the left side of 120-I will NOT be missing any cut-offs. Wait! No one said there was a hill on the left side of 120. I'll just take advantage of the downhill. BOO-YA!
2-Why am I doing this again? Wasn't this painful enough the first time?
3-This downhill feels NICE. I'm flying. Thank you STEAMTOWN! WOOHOO! Still on track. Twenty-three more to go!
4-Ok, I think this is where the juggler passed me last year? He's NOWHERE to be found! Does this mean I'm doing better????
5-SANTA!! I passed SANTA! This part of the canal goes on forever, and we still have 20 more to go. I don't know about this. ARGH!
6-Ok, I'm feeling ok. Finally warmed up. WOW-there's the 5:30 pace group! YAY! I'll try to keep up with them for while.
7-OMG, they're walking! That means I can walk too, right? Doesn't matter, I'm walking anyway.
8-Losing the 5:30 pace group. Last year, I lost them around mile 5 which means I'm doing better, right?
9-I can still see the pacer's balloons. So, I'm ok. I love going through Georgetown. VASELINE!!!! Gimme some please! Ooh! Can I stop in that coffee shop? I could really use even more caffeine in addition to my 5 hour energy......Nice on the 15k time. Not quite as good as Boilermaker, but then again, I have a little under 17 miles to go, so THERE!
10- Ok, I feel ok. I can do this. Better than last year. NICE time on the 10 miles. I mean, relatively speaking.
11-There's the juggler guy! WHERE IS 13.1? Well, I'm doing good on time as far as getting to the Gauntlet goes, but I just need to make sure I have minutes to spare! OMG this sucks!
12-One more-it feels good to be chicking mad guys! CHICK CHICK CHICKETY CHICK!
13.1-Nice on the half. Again, not my best time, but I still have 13.1 more to go. Sir, this is the end, right? Wait, there's nowhere to go. There is water everywhere.
14-Okay I have an entire hour to do 3.5 miles. I'm GOOD.
15-I got this. I hope I feel like this at mile like, 24.
16-This is where I had to potty last year. Not doing THAT again. That Port-a-Potty was disgusting. And it took me a whole 3 minutes to get the whole thing done.
17-I'm almost there! Is there a sign? Where's the Gauntlet? Is there a sign? What the hell is the Gauntlet anyway? Hey, is this the Gauntlet? I think so, I think we passed it. Oh, ok....Wait, did we? Wait for it....
18- Well I must have beat the Guantlet since it's mile 18 and no one's trying to stop me. ON TO BEAT THE BRIDGE.
19-Wow, I'm doing this! I could actually walk and beat the bridge. But the minute I decide to walk, my leg's going to break or something and it'll be all for naught.
20-THERE'S THE BRIDGE AND THOSE DRUMMER WOMEN ARE AWESOME! Can I stay and dance? I could stay, really. Mile 21 is so far away. WHERE'S THE EFFING SIGN??
21-This is the hardest part. I hate concrete. I hate everybody. I hate my feet. I hate myself. I hate this effin bridge. I hate running. I hate marathons. I hate water.
22-Ok, that wasn't so bad.
23-CRYSTAL CITY! I hate yellow. I hate red. I hate blue. I hate purple. CHIPOTLE! BUFFALO WILD WINGS! I'm fine with just stopping now. I mean, I don't have to even finish. I could just eat some wings and be done. But please don't offer me any donuts, that just might make me barf!
24-Nope. Can't do that. Because then I would be a suckah. A suckah who had two miles to go and then quit. These people better get out of my WAY, dammit.
25-Ok. I can do this. I can. I can. I can. Wait, I can run, faster. FASTER. Oh hill, I'm soooooooo prepared for you this year.
26-No I'm not. You still got me.
26.2-But I'm done! BAM! BOOYAH! ON TO THE NEXT ONE! Thanks for the medal, handsome Marines! OOOORAH!
